Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were trust falling into bushes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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