***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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