her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
