The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
