I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
