found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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