Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
