How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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