Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize