My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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