I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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