BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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