i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this will be a night to untag.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
