That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
