Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
false alarm. still invincible.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
