Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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