Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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