So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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