he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're so committed to being not committed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
