i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
