Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
