it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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