Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
