Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got inside last night via doggy door
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
