Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
