I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
