Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
