My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize