Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
