The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
