He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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