Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
