My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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