Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So squirting runs in the family.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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