Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
