People in love make me want to vomit
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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