Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
