meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
