She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
