My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
