Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize