please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
