I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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