I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize