I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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