Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
