1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
