Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
