my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize