Pants 0. Shit 1.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
