in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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