just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
