I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
