this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
