That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
