I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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