Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
