I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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