I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize