mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
