now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
