I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
