Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
