dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
