Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
