The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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