The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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