Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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