He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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