I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
