when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
why do cheetos always look like penises
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize