Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
