dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
