I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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